“You make a public commitment in front of the people who have supported you throughout your life - the people who love and care for you the most - that you will work to enrich and protect this unit, no matter what either of you or the rest of the universe throws your way.”

How and when did you meet?

We first met on 20th March 2015 but started chatting the night before on Grindr.

Tell us a little about that first time you met…

Benjamin: Unbeknownst to me, Anthony was actually not eating carbs at the time - not that he told me until days later - and I had booked a table at Fratelli Fresh on Bridge Street in Sydney for dinner. We met outside the restaurant and instantly had a connection, so we went for a few cocktails at a bar nearby before sitting down for pasta and pizza.

Having both been on plenty of bad dates prior, we both created backup plans for later that same evening in case we needed legitimate excuses to leave if things were not going well.

The evening went really well, but we decided to take it easy, so it was a night after dinner. Upon leaving the restaurant, we discovered we were heading to the same area (Oxford Street, cliche much?), so we decided to share a taxi. As we turned onto Oxford Street, I asked which bar Anthony was going to, and it turned out to be the same venue as me (Midnight Shift). Coincidentally, one of our mutual friends was visiting Sydney from Los Angeles. I knew half the group, and Anthony knew the other half of the group. Not only was that night our first date, but also the first time we got to know each other's friends, and the rest is history.

It's good that we got along well; otherwise, the night might have turned out very differently!

What was the first thing you noticed about each other?

Anthony: The first thing I noticed about Benjamin was how tall "and model-like" (lol) he was.

Benjamin: The first thing I noticed about Anthony was how large and bright his smile was.

Tell us about the standout moments in your relationship…

Benjamin: We met in March 2015 and, within 6 months, had moved in together. Partially this was for practical reasons; we were already living together four or five nights a week, and while I was renting, Anthony owned his own apartment. Additionally, I had just bought a new car that was too big for his own garage in Chippendale, so it was generally parked at Anthony's place in Pyrmont anyway. This was the first standout moment in our relationship as we started living together, and I became a dad to Anthony's two cats.

The second standout moment in our relationship was buying our first house together. After deciding that we would spend the same amount of money renovating Anthony's apartment as we would on a deposit for our own place together, the search began. We spent at least a year going to inspections every weekend and had lost out on a number of auctions as prices spiralled out of control. Three years into our relationship, we managed to purchase our first home together with the help of a buyers agent, a converted warehouse in St Peters. This was no longer Anthony's home with my stuff in it; it was our opportunity to put our own stamp on it together. We sold (almost) all our furniture, bought new furniture specifically for the house, and worked with landscape designers to create our own little rooftop garden, a godsend during the pandemic! In late 2018, we even hosted more than 70 people in our home for our engagement party, though planning - and executing - the wedding took a little longer than anticipated, but more on that later.

Anthony: The other standout moment really proved the strength of our relationship. In March 2022, Benjamin received an offer to relocate to New York, and I - knowing how much it meant - agreed without hesitation to uproot our lives and move to the other side of the world. After years of planning and delays to our wedding, we met with our wedding celebrant that weekend and secretly eloped so we could start working on the necessary US visa paperwork. Looking back more than a year later, I don't think either of us was quite prepared for the stress involved in selling our house and so many of our belongings, saying goodbye to our friends and family or giving up one of our cats who we believed would not survive the journey to start afresh in the US, but neither of us has any regrets in making the decision.

Have you ever faced any issues of non-acceptance?

Absolutely.

Anthony: Benjamin knew he was different from his peers for much of his adolescence. While he had a very warm, supportive and progressive upbringing, Benjamin was bullied throughout school and was even physically assaulted while out with friends one weekend, so he learned not to stand out. As a consequence, Benjamin suppressed his emotions during his school years and focused on his studies. It was not until university and the start of his professional career that he accepted who he was and the joy that openly identifying as part of the LGBTQ+ community affords. While his immediate family was not surprised - some may even say relieved - when Benjamin finally came out, he could never be completely honest about himself with his paternal grandparents as there was concern that they would not be as accepting as the rest of his family. Given how close they had been throughout his life, he felt guilty about not being able to fully express or share this part of himself with them.

Benjamin: Anthony's heritage as a second-generation Chinese immigrant in the UK meant he had a relatively conservative upbringing. Whilst Anthony knew he was gay from a very young age, the combination of attending an all-boys school together with his parents' traditional values meant he waited until leaving home and establishing himself in London before coming out. Whilst this meant there was a physical separation from his family which gave him more confidence to tell his parents he was gay, the news was still a huge surprise which Anthony's dad, in particular, really struggled with, balancing his love for his son with the traditional values that he had been taught. There was undoubtedly stress and struggle on both sides, and the news was such a shock to Anthony's dad that he actually lost all the hair on his head, including his eyebrows. But over time and with the support of Anthony's amazing mum and siblings, Anthony's dad came to accept having a gay son. While it was many years later, this has been proven by how open and welcoming Anthony's father has been of me, having now also joined the family.

What does marriage mean to you?

Benjamin and Anthony: We have always viewed our relationship as a team. Every decision we have made together, and we always try to assess the benefits and opportunities for each member equally. Marriage takes this to the next level. Decisions are no longer about looking at individual roles and benefits, but now you are formally a single unit. You make a public commitment in front of the people who have supported you throughout your life - the people who love and care for you the most - that you will work to enrich and protect this unit, no matter what either of you or the rest of the universe throws your way.

Who proposed and how?

Benjamin: After a particularly stressful period of study for Anthony, I had organised a surprise trip to Mollymook for a night to rest, relax and celebrate. I had not communicated this plan to Anthony until the morning we were due to depart; however, after months of study and exams in addition to his job, the last thing Anthony wanted to do on this particular Saturday morning was wake up early and drive down the coast. But, thankfully, he obliged. There was a rather large box in the back of the car, which thankfully Anthony did not ask too much about, as after a four-hour drive down the coast, we reached Rick Stein's Seafood Restaurant for lunch, starting with oysters and champagne, Anthony's favourites. After the meal, when Anthony refused to let me pay, he accidentally dropped and lost his credit card between the slots in the decking. The universe works in mysterious ways! Returning to the car for a drive around Mollymook, the large box had mysteriously vanished, though again, Anthony still didn't ask questions. After arriving at the penthouse suite of Bannisters Pavilion, we walked in to find this large box that had been stalking us - with Anthony's name on the tag, I might add - placed carefully on a table inside the front door, and Anthony still walks past it without comment. We made our way up to the roof deck pool for a drink and some sun before getting ready for dinner. By this point, I had to point out the box that had been following us around all day and suggest that Anthony open his gift. So, Anthony proceeds to open this rather large box, from within which a large clear balloon filled with smaller pink and red love heart balloons floats out and the words 'Will you marry me' emblazoned in rose gold. I am kneeling down on one knee with a Cartier ring box extended out towards Anthony. Anthony being typical Anthony is continuing to rummage around the box and, confused, asks where the gift is. "Read the balloon", I nudge. Anthony reads it but is still confused. I ask, "Will you marry me"? Anthony walks over and gives me - still down on one knee - a big hug. After some time, I ask, "Is that a yes?" and thankfully, Anthony says yes! Suffice to say, Anthony had absolutely no idea the proposal was coming (again, Anthony being Anthony!).

When did you get married?

Initially planned for 2020, our wedding was postponed until September 2022.

Benjamin and Anthony’s story continues below ↓

What was the primary inspiration for your wedding day?

Benjamin: The three words I used to describe the vibe I was trying to create with our stylist were "Effortless, Coastal, Luxury", and that probably best encapsulates the experience we were trying to deliver for our guests. That gave us flexibility in location, like having the ceremony outdoors in the dunes behind the beach, but also drove decisions like having a round ceremony where we stood in the middle of everyone. There were no sides, and we weren't up on a stage or standing away from the people who we loved the most. They were just as much a part of it as we were. We chose Byron Bay for the location of the wedding as we wanted somewhere chic and fabulous, allowing everyone to feel relaxed and enjoy themselves. We wanted everyone to be on holiday because it meant we could spend more time with them.

Did you incorporate any family sentiments or traditions?

Anthony: The fun of a gay wedding is that we were not beholden to traditions and had the opportunity to create our own. No other gay couples in our families or our close friend's group had been married before, so we got to make the day exactly what we wanted, with one exception. Benjamin could not help but follow the something old (watch), something new (shoes), something borrowed (cologne) and something blue (pants) tradition on our wedding day!

Where did you find the bulk of your inspiration?

Benjamin: We spent hours and hours and hours reviewing pictures on Pinterest and going through wedding albums and videos from suppliers. We loved searching for and compiling inspiration. While this was critical in helping us shape the experience we wanted for our guests, our vendors (particularly Heidi Cansdell of The Romance) brought this to the next level and delivered things we had not thought of.

How did you choose your suppliers?

Benjamin: This involved reviewing a lot of their previous work. I found a number of them through Theodore's wedding directory, but I also did a lot of Google and Pinterest searching. Finding vendors who openly promoted LGBTQ+ weddings or listed these values on their sites was critical for us as we wanted to find partners who delivered exceptional work and shared our values so we could be assured that our wedding day was as stress-free and enjoyable as possible.

What was the most difficult thing about planning your wedding?

Benjamin: We are fortunate that most of our vendors were willing to support and accommodate us as we all worked to navigate lockdowns and restrictions on gatherings which resulted in a number of reschedules to the wedding date throughout 2020 and 2021. As we started to navigate our relocation from Sydney to New York, working with suppliers we trusted was critical as our priorities started to shift away from wedding planning right at the time that we should have been focused on the details more than ever. During that process, we made the decision to add a couple of additional vendors to help make the task easier for us, namely event stylist Heidi Cansdell (The Romance) and hairstylist Chad Wijayatilake (A+H Salon) who both agreed to travel away from their businesses to Byron Bay to support us for our wedding weekend. I hate to admit it, but despite the years of planning and preparation of our wedding, all the focus on relocating our lives to New York also meant that we ended up being weeks out from our wedding and still had no idea what we were going to wear. Thankfully, Zach Keller from Bergdorf Goodman was also willing to take on our challenge, helping us choose and tailor some incredible pieces from Dior, Tom Ford, Givenchy, Prada, Gucci and Ralph Lauren that we would never have chosen on our own to make sure we looked the part for the big day as well.

Where did you spend your honeymoon?

Anthony: Our wedding in Australia was 6 weeks after Benjamin had started his new job, and we had relocated to New York, and the honeymoon was the first opportunity we had to take a breath and relax. After a few days with our friends and family in Byron Bay, we flew halfway home to LA and drove out to spend a week in the Californian desert, enjoying the sights, tastes and entertainment of Palm Springs and Joshua Tree before returning to New York.

Any advice for other couples planning their day and finding it difficult to navigate the journey?

Benjamin and Anthony: Weddings can easily become overwhelming. There are a lot of items to plan for, and the sheer volume of options and opinions that your friends, family and vendors share with you can become overwhelming if you don't have a clear vision or plan, which most people won't to begin with. Decide who your support crew will be and how you want to involve them. For us, we relied heavily on our vendors but also bounced ideas and suggestions off our wedding party - one best man and one best woman each - when we needed a second opinion or to validate some of our assumptions around people's expectations for the day. Whilst it's obvious to start with some of the big decisions like setting the date and choosing the venue, it's easy to potentially get lost in the detail as you go down the rabbit hole with individual suppliers, particularly given the implications of some decisions on other elements of the events. Ground yourself in a few core considerations - who is your wedding for, what experience are you trying to create, and what purpose do each of the elements or event(s) serve to deliver upon this? Remember to return to these core considerations if you ever start feeling overwhelmed. Your plans will change, and some things wont quite fall into place as you may first have imagined, but as long as you focus on the bigger picture, you can't go wrong.

Benjamin and Anthony’s Team

Photographer Lover Of Mine

Videographer Moon & Back Co

Celebrant Anna Russell (Celebrant Lady Love)

Wedding Accommodation Bower Byron Bay

Wedding Venue Beach Byron Bay

Wedding Planner Belinda Kirkwood (Beach Byron Bay)

Wedding Stylist & Florist The Romance

Stationery (Invitations & Website) State of Reverie (Event Day) Paper Paper Co.

Furniture Hire The Wedding Shed

Entertainment DJ Scradley

Fashion Stylist Zach Keller (Bergdorf Goodman)

Hair Chad Wijayatilake (A+H Salon)

Benjamin and Anthony: A Byron Bay Celebration

“You make a public commitment in front of the people who have supported you throughout your life - the people who love and care for you the most - that you will work to enrich and protect this unit, no matter what either of you or the rest of the universe throws your way.”

Benjamin and Anthony’s Team

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Theodore Magazine acknowledges the Australian Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as the first inhabitants of the nation and the traditional custodians of the lands where we live, learn and work.