The Lavender Haze on Queer Weddings and True Representation

Through The Lavender Haze, Jacinta Oaten has cultivated a space where LGBTQ+ love stories are not just captured but truly understood—approaching each wedding with an intentionality that goes far beyond aesthetics. In this conversation, she shares how her documentary background, lived experience, and deep commitment to inclusivity shape the way she photographs weddings, ensuring every couple feels seen, celebrated, and entirely themselves.

“I chose The Lavender Haze for my studio of queer photographers and filmmakers very much on purpose. It’s a name steeped in queer history and symbolism, layered with meaning and pride...”

Can you share with us what initially drew you to the art of wedding photography and how you've developed your unique style over the years?

Truthfully, wedding photography was something I stumbled into. I was a sports photographer, and in 2009, a tennis player asked me to shoot his sister’s wedding—it all snowballed from there. Back then, wedding photography was a completely different world: no Instagram trends, no niche aesthetics, and everything felt cookie-cutter, so I wasn’t drawn to any work at that stage. My mentors were photojournalists, and I was trained not only to shoot like one but to think like one, which had a profound influence on how my style was shaped.

I honed my documentary approach at events like the Australian Open, where you get one chance to nail the decisive moment. Capturing high-stakes, unrepeatable scenes became second nature, which lent itself perfectly to weddings. At the same time, I was shooting everything from live performances to queer club nights to massive galas, fully embracing events with a diverse range of people. I still shoot all kinds of gigs to keep my perspective fresh and constantly evolving.

Couples always tell me they’re drawn to my style because they love the organic, natural feel of my work—and for me, it all comes back to my roots in documentary photography and how I’m able to connect with people. It’s about letting life unfold and seizing those in-between moments. By prioritising connection over “must-haves,” I’m able to really capture the essence of couples and their loved ones, too.

As a queer photographer, how do you approach working with LGBTQ+ couples to ensure they feel fully represented and celebrated in their wedding photos?

The saying “you can’t be what you can’t see” resonates deeply with me. From the moment I meet a newly engaged queer couple, I ask about their experiences in the wedding world so far—and more often than not, they’ve felt underrepresented. LGBTQ+ couples largely have intersectionality woven into their love stories, with their own understanding of what a marriage means, and desire for a celebration that breaks away from the cis-hetero ideals we’re so used to seeing. Understanding that from the outset is such a crucial part of the process. For me, centring queer experiences is essential because representation is so important, and I want to be a space for engaged couples to see themselves reflected in the diverse stories I share.

For me, it’s all about truly listening to what’s important to each couple. Being photographed can be vulnerable, and the last thing I want is for it to feel like I’m just shooting for my portfolio. Instead, I focus on what makes a couple’s love and their day unique. Whether that’s giving them the space to feel at ease or knowing when to step in with a little direction, it’s about creating an experience that feels effortless. By building that trust and connection, I can document their love in a way that’s honest and celebrates them authentically.

What specific techniques or strategies do you employ to create a safe and inclusive space for queer couples during their wedding shoots?

Creating a safe and inclusive space starts the moment I meet someone. I always double-check pronouns when putting a face to a name. This is especially important for straight-passing couples, who are often neither fully cis nor straight. Small acts of consideration make people feel seen and connected to community. And here’s the thing: you don’t have to be queer to make someone feel valued and understood.

From there, it’s about building trust and checking in on sensitive touch-points. Family dynamics are complex for everyone, so I take the time to learn about their relationships and dynamics, staying mindful of any challenges. On the day, I see myself as part bodyguard, part therapist—doing vibe checks, managing the timeline, and helping couples stay grounded. It might sound over the top, but wedding days can feel like a whirlwind, and I pride myself on knowing my couples’ needs well enough to keep them present in the moment.

For neurodiverse couples or guests, I take extra care when creating timelines, building in downtime to avoid overwhelm. Providing an accessible service is often as simple as checking in and recognising when someone needs space or a moment to recalibrate. Mindfulness like this doesn’t just serve one group—it creates a more considerate experience for everyone. At the heart of it, it’s simple: just be kind.

In your experience, what are some common concerns or challenges that LGBTQ+ couples might have when planning their wedding, and how do you address these through your photography?

While queer babes are special angels who deserve the world, at the end of the day, we just want to be treated like any other couple—not paraded around as a novelty for straight people to “yassify” this and “boots the house down” that. The wedding industry has a serious problem with commodifying the pink dollar for its own gain, and couples can see right through it. Performative allyship is deeply off-putting, and this kind of virtue signalling makes it hard for a lot of LGBTQ+ couples to decipher between those who have actually worked with the community, and those who are just trying to diversify their portfolios. 

My couples trust me for more than just photography. I help combat these challenges by offering a full-service approach. I connect them with an extensive network of queer vendors and true friends of Dorothy, who respect and celebrate them without resorting to lazy stereotypes about what queer weddings “should” look like. Together, we curate one hell of a party that leaves couples feeling confident in their wedding pros which makes for one hell of an atmosphere.

Can you describe a memorable moment where you felt particularly proud to have captured the love and joy of a queer couple on their wedding day?

Oh gosh, there have been so many beautiful moments. Picking just one feels impossible, but the wedding of Su-An and Cherlyn immediately comes to mind. They are true community leaders who prove to others it’s possible to live their truth. Their words about their wedding day perfectly capture why it was so meaningful:

“This day is not only huge for us, but it also represents a turning point in our families’ journey of acceptance, healing, and reconciliation. Being queer Christian Asian females, our intersectional identities represent so many marginalised groups of people, and we know it means a lot for our communities to see representation in us—not just for who we are but how we show up and love others.

For our Asian friends, there aren’t many queer Asian couples who get married and have a big celebration due to a lack of family acceptance or internalised queerphobia—some aren’t even out to their families. It’s a huge deal for them to know that our families have flown in to support, love, and celebrate our union.”

It was an incredibly moving day, and capturing their love and families coming together felt like being part of something much bigger than just a wedding. 

How do you navigate and respect the diverse identities and expressions within the LGBTQ+ community while capturing intimate moments during weddings?

A lot of effort goes into understanding how someone will feel their most confident, both in the lead-up to the day and in the moment itself. Asking thoughtful questions beyond pronouns, and gently exploring when/how/why someone feels affirmed, is essential. For trans folks, getting gender affirmation right can completely transform their experience. The same goes for multiracial relationships, ceremonies, and customs—asking questions, even the ones that make you feel silly, is crucial to understanding what’s important and how their relationship intersects with those traditions.

At the end of the day, it’s about knowing my couples inside and out so I can respect them, their families, and their communities, all while remaining the fly on the wall who captures every significant moment. And not to get too woo-woo, but maybe it’s because I’m a Cancer—I can’t help leaning into the energy of a room. It’s my little superpower for sensing what people need in the moment!

For couples who may feel nervous or self-conscious about being photographed, especially within the LGBTQ+ community, how do you help them relax and be themselves during the shoot?

Navigating the multifaceted role of a wedding photographer is something I approach with constant care and intention. Being invited into such an intimate space is a privilege, and my job is to make people feel so comfortable, both mentally and physically, that they forget the camera is even there. It’s a balancing act—being present enough to capture the moments while remaining unobtrusive—and it requires a mix of non-verbal cues and thoughtful communication to get it right. Capturing the essence of someone begins with listening. When you truly hear someone, you see them, and that’s what people want more than anything.

When it comes to portraits, it’s all about creating an atmosphere where people feel completely at ease. The banter I share with queer couples is very candid, which breaks the ice and makes the whole experience fun and relaxed. I love dropping those cheeky, niche jokes that only a shared queer perspective can bring, and that kind of connection makes people feel truly seen. It’s a safe space where they can be themselves, have a laugh, and trust that I’ve got them.

In what ways do you incorporate elements of queer culture or symbolism into your wedding photography, if at all, to resonate with your clients?

I chose The Lavender Haze for my studio of queer photographers and filmmakers very much on purpose. It’s a name steeped in queer history and symbolism, layered with meaning and pride. If you know, you know—but let me break it down for those who don’t. In the late 19th century, lavender began to be associated with homosexuality, particularly among gay men. The term “lavender lads” was used to describe effeminate men, and the colour itself, a mix of pink and blue, became a subtle emblem of non-conformity and queerness. It was a way to express identity at a time when being openly queer was dangerous.

Fast forward to the mid-20th century, and being “in the lavender haze” came to describe the euphoric feeling of being in love, while lavender flowers were exchanged between gay men as a token of affection. And then there’s “Lavender Menace,” a phrase coined in the 1970s to criticise the perceived threat of lesbianism. Naturally, lesbians reclaimed it as a badge of pride and resistance, which is just about one of my favourite acts of reclamation ever.

For me, the The Lavender Haze ties all of this history together and is a symbol of love and resilience through the ages. I hope this nod of respect to our queer elders who made it possible for us to even be able to get married resonates with every queer person who sees it.

Find The Lavender Haze online by CLICKING HERE or follow on Instagram at @lavenderhazeweddings

DISCLAIMER: We attempt to credit the original photographer/source of every image we use. However, in most circumstances, the images we use are provided by the brands spoken about, and we rely on them to inform us of the image source. If you think a credit may be incorrect, please contact us at info@theodoremagazine.com

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