Derrick and Michael: A San Francisco Love Story
Derrick and Michael's love story takes place in San Francisco, a city steeped in rich LGBTQ+ history. Meeting for the first time via a mutual friend, the story of Derrick and Michael begins at a friends birthday party, takes us to their New Years Eve proposal, and leaves us at their San Francisco wedding. But this love story is merely just the beginning for these two gents, with many many more chapters still to fill.
Photographer Peter Nguyen Studio | Location San Francisco, USA
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How and when did you meet?
Michael: I was a new PhD student at Stanford who had recently begun to question my sexuality, and so I asked my one gay friend at the time, Mark Jeng, if he knew any guys that I could meet. Mark asked me what my type was, and he essentially described Derrick. Mark laughed and said, “I think I know someone you might be interested in.” That night Mark took me to a gay club, and we tried to get Derrick to come out and meet us. Derrick asked Mark for a picture, and he sent a very dimly-lit selfie that failed to pique his interest. Derrick decided to stay in that night, and I thought that would be the end of our story. But one week later Derrick and I met at a birthday party, and Derrick had no idea that I was the “dimly-lit selfie guy” from the week before. Apparently, I looked totally different in the light of the sun, and Derrick was very interested — immediately putting the moves on me.
Derrick: We met through a mutual friend in the summer of 2014. I was invited out by one of my good friends to meet Michael at a gay club, but I was super tired and declined to go out. We had the chance to finally meet one another the following week, and noticed a new (and very cute) face. I had no idea it was Michael - the guy I was supposed to meet out the week before, and we hit it off immediately! Michael had just moved to Stanford for his PhD in Chemistry, and he was eager to meet new people. I’ve lived in the San Francisco Bay Area since leaving my hometown, Los Angeles, for college in 2002. As a “Frisco” veteran, I was happy to show Michael around the city -- and as we spent more time together exploring SF’s iconic sights, incredible food scene, and diverse history we began to fall in love.
What was the first thing you noticed about each other?
Michael: The first thing I noticed about Derrick was how fabulous he was. I studied his Facebook account, and he seemed to know everyone, throw amazing parties, and was always dressed impeccably. When we finally met face-to-face, I was surprised to find how friendly and warm is was.
Derrick: When I finally got a good look at Michael, I first noticed how big his arms were. He was wearing a tank top, and he had these broad shoulders and bulging biceps -- I was immediately impressed!
Tell us about any standout moments in your relationship?
Michael: When I was checking out Derrick’s Facebook, before we met, I saw a photo of the invitations for his 30th birthday party. It seemed like a wedding: over the top and just incredible. I remember thinking “I have to get an invite to this thing!” Little did I know at that time that I would end up his date, and 6 years later that I would marry him.
Derrick: One moment that I’ll always remember is the first time I met Michael’s family. About 6 months into dating, he brought me home to Phoenix to meet everybody. He’d just come out to his family a couple of months before, and I was anxious to meet them. They were so welcoming, and I remember them telling stories over dinner. It was clear how close they all were -- and it reminded me of dinnertime with my family as a child. Both of my parents passed when I was younger, so it felt so comforting to be welcomed into Michael’s family instantly and entirely.
Have you ever faced any issues of non-acceptance?
Derrick: Growing up in a traditional Chinese family and a conservative neighbourhood, I was always very ashamed of being gay. As a child, I was scared to accept my sexuality and tried to hide that part of me (as best I could!). Later in high school, when I started being more comfortable with being gay and living my truth, I was surprised to find how accepting my family and friends were. After moving to the Bay Area -- where diversity is celebrated -- I thrived. However, I know and understand that this isn’t everybody’s story, so I try to help others as an avid volunteer with organisations like The Trevor Project, Human Rights Campaign and the SF AIDS Foundation.
What does marriage mean to you?
Derrick: Same-sex marriage is a relatively new concept in our society, so there’s not yet a template for the “do’s and don’ts.” I’m not sure there should be one, but we feel blessed to be writing the history books now!
Who proposed and how?
Michael: Derrick and I talked openly about getting married, but he didn’t know precisely when or how I would propose. Ultimately, I chose Christmas dinner in 2018 surrounded by my family in Phoenix, to pop the question. It was intimate and perfect. Family is really important to Derrick, but most of his family are in Asia — so being able to share that moment with my family was extra special. Apparently, he found the 3.5-carat Asscher cut engagement ring was really special, too! Derrick answered “OMG YES!” and the very next day he started calling wedding venues.
When did you get married?
Derrick: We got married on August 3, 2019 - after just having got engaged on December 31, 2018. We were super excited to tie the know, and didn’t want to wait very long!
Derrick and Michael’s story continues below ↓
What was the most important thing to you surrounding your wedding?
Michael: It was imperative for us to get married in San Francisco — the city in which we met. We specifically chose SF City Hall for our ceremony because it’s one of the most famous landmarks in LGBTQ+ history. It’s also the place where same-sex marriage licenses were first granted, many years before it was written into federal law.
Derrick: It was super important for the wedding to reflect our personalities. Michael is a PhD graduate from Stanford University and a scientist at a sustainable energy start-up in Silicon Valley, so he’s very passionate about sustainability. He worked with our planner Thomas Bui to ensure that our gay wedding would be as environmentally friendly as possible. We were proud to work with the Fairmont Hotel, which has a broad corporate commitment to use, wherever possible, sustainable, locally sourced and organically grown products. I work in the events industry as Head of Event Marketing at Google. I’m responsible for developing the Internet giant’s event strategy for its top revenue-generating products and delivering brand experiences that are “uniquely Google.” However, planning our wedding was very different experience than planning a Google event. Instead of Google’s clean aesthetic, my style is a bit more flamboyant! I love over-the-top extravagance (with sustainability in mind!), and this aesthetic was definitely reflected in the wedding.
Where did you find the bulk of your inspiration?
Derrick: We drew inspiration from the majestic fêtes of the Roaring Twenties, and chose decor, entertainment and a color palette of gold, black, and white to match that theme. We also wanted to showcase our lovely city since we had a lot of family and friends flying in from all over the world, so we were excited to create the “full San Francisco experience” for our guests! We kicked off our wedding weekend with a welcome reception at Uncle Harry’s, a penthouse in one of San Francisco’s tallest buildings, to show off the incredible views of the SF skyline. Our ceremony was at SF City Hall, which is the capital of our city and rich in LGBTQ+ history. And then we escorted everybody from City Hall to the reception at the historic San Francisco Fairmont Hotel by cable car trolleys, an iconic SF attraction. San Francisco is the pinnacle of fine dining in the US -- with more 3-Michelin Star restaurants than any other city in the USA -- so we wanted to showcase the best of SF cuisine. We selected an exquisite 4-course menu which included signature San Francisco dishes like jumbo lump Dungeness crab cakes and hand-pulled burrata and heirloom tomato salad to start, followed by choice of pan-seared filet mignon, roasted red snapper, vegan gnocchi or Asian duck breast (much of my side of the family live in Asia) for the main course, and a 6-tiered wedding cake with flavors including rich chocolate (Michael’s favorite) and the top tier being my favorite, banana creme.
How did you choose your suppliers?
Derrick: We hired a planner, Thomas Bui Lifestyle (www.thomasbuilifestyle.com) to help with vendor selection and management. All of his events are gorgeous and over-the-top, so we felt comfortable that he would execute our wedding vision!
Any surprises on your wedding day? Or anything that didn’t go to plan?
Michael: Everybody always says this, but the day really did go by super fast. I didn’t expect that I would feel that way, too, but I ended up feeling like time flew by and I didn’t want the day to end.
Derrick: I actually don’t like surprises, so luckily everything went super smoothly and according to plan! I was very involved in the planning, but one thing our planner didn’t share with us was the sparkler fireworks that went off around the stage during our first dance. That was one surprise that I liked very, very much!
What was the most difficult thing about planning your wedding?
Michael: Honestly, Derrick did all of the work! I guess the most difficult thing for me was knowing when to lean in more on the planning. I assumed Derrick wanted to take the reigns, since he’s so creative and good at events. But about halfway through planning, he let me know that he wanted my input on more wedding decisions. I love music, so I took charge of choosing the band. I wanted one who could play a broad range of music styles: wedding classics, 90’s pop, hip-hop, EDM, and current hits. I went with a 9-piece band (www.luckydevilsband.com) and they were awesome! Everybody was shaking their booties all night long — I’d give myself an A+
Derrick: Managing the budget was the hardest thing about planning our wedding. I’ve been dreaming of, and planning this wedding in my head, since I was a little boy. It’s possible I had unrealistic expectations. So decisions about where to focus our budget - and what trade-offs to make - was pretty tough. One specific compromise was having to cut plans for a reception after-party so we could get the 9-piece band that Michael wanted. But I guess I asked for that one...
Any family sentiment or traditions incorporated?
The day after the wedding, we hosted a traditional Chinese Tea Ceremony, a celebration to pay respects and show our gratitude toward our families and elders by serving them tea.
Where did you spend your honeymoon?
Michael: I had a strong opinion about just one thing, and it was that we already have way too much stuff from Crate and Barrel, so instead of a registry, we used HoneyFund.com to help pay for our dream honeymoon in Spain. We spent close to 3 weeks enjoying the culture, sights, shopping and cruising in Barcelona, and ended by relaxing at the beautiful beaches in Mallorca.
Any advice for other couples planning their day and finding it difficult to navigate the journey?
Derrick: My best advice for other couples planning their own wedding is to agree on what the most important things for your wedding are, and then go big on your priorities. These days, almost anything is possible, and with new technologies for fabrication, broader options and choice of vendors, etc. costs for things you thought you could only dream of could actually be within reach. We had a great wedding planner to help us research and coordinate everything we wanted for our wedding. But for couples who do all of the planning themselves, I hope you have a fun time searching the web, consulting your knowing family and friends, and rolling up your sleeves to bring your dream wedding to life!
Suppliers
Photographer Peter Nguyen Studio
Videographer Peter Nguyen Studio
Venue San Francisco City Hall, San Francisco Fairmont Hotel
Suits RuPaul’s favorite: Klein Epstein & Parker
Planner Thomas Bui Lifestyle
Flowers Wish Social Events
Wedding Party Attire Men’s Wearhouse
Cars Hornblower
Cake San Francisco Fairmont Hotel
Stationery Whimsique Designer Invitations & Stationery
Celebrant Robert Stevens
Catering Fraiche Catering, San Francisco Fairmont Hote
Furniture Theoni Collection
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