Damian and David: Authentic Southern Italian Vibes in the Heart of Cairns
Authentic Southern Italian vibes flow through the Cairns wedding of Damian and David. The pair who met and currently live in Paris, France, chose Damian's parents backyard in Cairns for their wedding ceremony and decided to honour both their Italian heritage throughout their wedding.
Photographer Katie Purling Photography | Location Cairns, Australia
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How and when did you meet?
David: The first time we met was at a party in Paris, France. It was autumn 2014 and I had just started my Second year of Uni. Meeting Damian was very unexpected, especially knowing we come from two very different worlds. Me being Neuropsychologist, him a Makeup Artist in the fashion world.
Tell us a little about the first time you met?
David: After meeting at that party, we decided we’d meet again in another context, so we met for lunch a few days later. I think this lunch was the actual first time I met the person that changed my perception of life. Something felt different, quite magical and yet so natural about the way we interacted. I’ll definitely always remember the butterflies in my stomach looking at Damian coming down the stairs of a bridge in front of ‘La Marine’ on Canal Saint-Martin while waiting for him to meet me for lunch.
Damian: They weren’t kidding when they said it’ll happen when you ‘least expect it’, and that party literally changed the course of our lives forever! If we hadn’t been in the same room at the same time, it is unlikely we ever would’ve crossed paths again seeing as David lived an hour out of Paris at the time. Also, neither of us are party animals, so the odds were really stacked against us! I knew this was the kind of guy I wanted to get to know properly, outside of a party environment so I suggested we meet for lunch.
Seeing him in daylight was like seeing him for the first time, again, I too had butterflies walking towards him in that cafe!
What was the first thing you noticed about each other?
David: What struck me the most the first time I met Damian was his openness and acceptance for difference. I could see it in his eyes... actually the depth of his gaze was probably what intrigued (and still does to this day) me the most about him. As I mentioned earlier, at the time we met we were both in very different places in life but none of that mattered.
Damian: He was so nervous about meeting, he kept shuffling his cutlery, it was so sweet! I think we said our first few words in French (he’s French, I’m Australian) but we very quickly switched to English and conversation just started flowing. We had a connection instantly, and I knew he was different than the other guys I’d met before in Paris. He was so polite, and warm and his bright blue eyes were the kindest eyes I’d ever looked into! The minute he told me he had Italian heritage I thought: Nonna’s going to love him! Haha
What does Marriage mean to you?
David: As famous philosopher Nietzsche once said: “Marriage is the willingness of two people to create uniqueness”. That gives you a good idea of the values I believe are essential when committing to a person through marriage: willingness, love, desire and respect of the other’s differences through the uniqueness of being together. Thus no marriage is perfect and I’d rather see that from the beginning.
Damian: This is a tough question, because fundamentally I can understand straight couples who decide they don’t ‘need’ to get married, after all to most people it’s just a piece of paper. But as a same-sex couple we don’t have that privilege. A trip to the hospital one day was an eye opener. I wasn’t considered family, so I wasn’t allowed in the room! Also, starting a family in France requires us legally to be married for us both to be on the future child’s birth certificate. A law that doesn’t apply to heterosexual couples. So, we thought if we’re going to do it, we’re going all the way! Marriage hasn’t changed our relationship, we acted like a married couple pre-nuptials anyway, but knowing that we can consolidate our union in an official way - protecting our future and that of our future family, is kind of a big f*you to the powers-that-be that try and usually negate the existence of gay families. In saying that, romantically speaking there’s nothing more beautiful than saying ‘I do’ to the person you love, and want to build a future with. Marriage for me is taking in that person wholly, faults and all, and committing to a life of love, compassion and the other big C word: Compromise!
Who proposed and how?
David: Damian proposed first (yes, first..) because I didn’t know what the ‘social norm’ was for gay men, as to who had to kneel or not, and when! So as soon as he proposed, I dropped to one knee and followed suit. This is such a memorable moment, as he chose to do it during a helicopter excursion to a private sandy cay in the middle of Great Barrier Reef in Cairns, Australia - a gift from Damian’s family for his 30th birthday. It was such a special way to propose, and I had no clue it would happen then, but a gut feeling something was about to change. If there’s one thing I believe in it is instinct. Never ignore the signs your body gives you.
Damian: Most people would have expected us to propose at the Eiffel Tower, seeing as we live in Paris - but it didn’t feel special to me, we’re a pretty private couple so I wanted somewhere super isolated and magical so that if we had to break down in tears in public we’d at least be (mostly) alone! I was so nervous the entire helicopter ride, and knew that we only had an hour to eat lunch, snorkel and fit in a proposal before our pilot, lying down on the other side of the cay reading his book, would get up and to ask us back onto the helicopter. Talk about pressure! What’s ironic is that we were alone the entire hour, until the moment I proposed. We let go of hugging and sobbing to find 2 tourists digging at a crab hole in the sand right near our feet, it was hilarious..and startling! They had snorkelled to the cay from a boat so far away it was a dot on the horizon, and appeared completely oblivious to what had just happened. Regardless, it was one of the most magical moments and I’m so glad that the planets aligned the way they did so I could piggy back off that amazing birthday gift helicopter excursion to propose to David in a setting as special as that!
When did you get married?
David: We got married on August 10th, 2019.
What was the main influence behind your wedding day?
David: Italy. Damian and I both have an Italian background and are very attached to our roots and the cultural aspects linked to them. Family was another big influence for us, we wanted it to feel very warm & close to the chest as opposed to just another big flashy show-off type of wedding vibe.
Damian: May I just add that David & I had always said since the beginning that we wanted something small, not at all glitzy but most of all super cosy and homely. At the most: a big feast amongst our nearest and dearest! In true Italian tradition, our 60 person guest list swelled to 250 after our families got involved. But like I mentioned earlier, our outlook on this changed also when we realised we’d only be getting married once, and it seemed so monumental to do it in the first couple of years that same-sex marriage was legal in Australia so we decided to go out with a bang. Being able to hold our ceremony in my parents backyard was also super special to us both. It just felt right, and I love that I was able to take our Paris friends and family to see where I grew up, and appreciate how gorgeous Far North Queensland really is!
What was the most important thing to you surrounding your wedding?
David: We wanted to make sure everyone had a good time. As a matter of fact we didn’t take getting the opportunity of saying “I do” to each other in front of people who love and respect us with a grain of salt, which is why we worked so closely with our celebrant Aphrodite on the wording and format of our ceremony. Our wedding was a moment to be cherished in warmth, comfort and absolute joy, but also was meant to convey a strong social message of acceptance - and to show everyone present that love IS love!
Damian: It’s pretty rare that you get these opportunities in life to share something so so deep and profound with this many of your closest friends and family all at once - and I think the most remarkable thing about a same sex wedding is people don’t really know what to expect! So when our guests witnessed how incredibly heartfelt and honest Aphrodite’s ceremony was, a lot of them were shocked at how emotional it all became! We wanted to be seize this opportunity to drive home a message of acceptance, humility and most of all: normality! We’re just a couple who loves each other dearly, and want to be accepted like any other couple, so this day was designed to feel like a big warm hug to all of those who attended - and most of all to have a fabulous gay’ol time! Music was super important, DJ Chooky did a fabulous job of setting the mood at both the ceremony with some fun upbeat 60’s kitschy Italiano vibes, as well as some fun disco & 90’s floor fillers at the reception. Lighting was also very key in making our reception warm, and not too brightly lit. I think it makes people feel more comfortable to let their hair down! And finally, food is a big part of both of our lives, so we wanted to be able to share some traditional Calabrese foods (thanks to my Nonna!) as well as show off the best the tropics has to offer in the way of fresh fish, exotic fruits.. it was a truly magical spread that brought everyone together in celebration.
Where did you find the bulk of your inspiration?
Damian: I was very wary about making this look like just another stock standard white-wedding. We didn’t want there to be white anywhere! (not even in the sugared almonds, much to my mother's dismay haha). Pinterest was my best friend, I pinned so many images and spent endless hours editing down the list down to a few key inspiration images to build our dream wedding from. I had to plan it all from a distance, so working with Nat & Deb from Stella Florists & Stella by Design on very specific, moodboards was key! It wasn’t easy.. ‘inspiration’ is a double edge sword. Our wedding ended up being a far cry from the simple backyard wedding feast we had pictured in our minds in the beginning of the planning stages, so in that regard Pinterest is kind of insane in how it can turn a simple wedding into a lavish grandiose affair in a matter of months! The base of it though was trying to piece together inspiration from the south of Italy: lots of bright fuchsia Bougainvillea, crates overflowing with fresh lemons etc., mixed in with native Australian greenery all set against natural timber furniture, tarnished copper & gold finishings etc. We wanted it to feel special, but very down to earth and warm and with a touch of kitsch!
Did you find it difficult to translate more common traditions into a ‘same-sex’ wedding?
David: It always was unclear to me how a marriage actually came together on the day-of, I hadn’t been to that many weddings myself and the ones I had been to were all in Europe where I grew up. To me it was just about gathering people, saying your vows and then ending the day in a big party - but never had I anticipated all the moving parts and the decisions that Damian & I had to make on our own, it can all be very daunting. When it comes to traditions surrounding ‘same-sex weddings’, people struggled at times to understand its specificities. We chose groomsparty instead of bridalparty, or grooms table instead of bridal table, neither of which never really stuck with our friends, family & vendors - but we weren’t too precious about it. We had a hucks party instead of a bucks or hens.. but still separated male & female into 2 seperate events on the same day, that both Damian & I attended. There was a conscious effort to maintain some tradition so as not to ruffle too many feathers, but still claiming our own version of it! In a traditional Italian family, it’s hard to maintain that line. Overall, I’d say it is hard to overcome some people’s concerns about introducing novelty to traditions. The opposite is true also, as many people in the LGBT community demonise the fact that some of us desire the tradition of marriage in itself, saying its adhering to heteronormative values, which obviously we disagree with. I’m glad we managed to combine both tradition and a sense of novelty, it felt truly ‘us’ in the end!
Damian: There were a couple things that were sticky points.. but we made sure to be super honest with our immediate family and groomsparty about these things, to make sure it felt personal but also inclusive. Dad suggested that our mums walk us down the aisle, which felt right.. and our fathers witnessed the signing of our Marriage Certificate. We had a first look moment, so that David and I could avoid the antiquated ‘bride walks towards the groom’ thing at the start of the ceremony. Mum walked me down the aisle first, then David followed closely behind with his Mum, so in the end it all flowed quite naturally. Finally, choosing our names was tricky, we both are the end of the line in our family tree so it was only fair that we hyphenated our surnames to keep the heritage of both our family names alive.
Any family sentiment or traditions incorporated?
David: We wanted our first dance honour Damian’s grandparents but also felt like doing something that defied traditions and my body- coordination / two left feet issues! All jokes aside, we aren’t big on corny love songs and let’s be honest, two men slow-dancing to a song for 2 minutes or more can get a bit boring, hence our very whimsical, upbeat choice!
Damian: Our celebrant Aphrodite included a very touching candle lighting moment at our ceremony to honour both of our grandmothers who had passed, which was so special to us. Another sentiment which we included that was pretty close to home, literally, was the creation of our wedding rings. They were made by a jeweller in Cornwall, UK who we posted some Palm Cove sand to alongside some gold jewellery handed down from our grandparents to create rings from using a special sand cast technique, creating extremely personal, unique rings with a rustic finish. We are absolutely in love with them! Finally, like David mentioned the Tarantella was a bit of a theme that night, as we had our friend Jack a.k.a Marina Miraj (nod to the Port Douglas resort, Marina Mirage) perform a drag medley packed with Italian kitschiness! My dear friend Joel Bevan Conroy designed his outfits, starting out as a giant Cannoli, which he took off to reveal a traditional Tarantella outfit, which teared away to an itty-bitty pizza print swimsuit! Fun fact: The pizza print was from an actual pizza David and I photographed, and then ate haha. The crowd went wild, including my grandparents which was so fun to see!
What was the most difficult thing about planning your wedding?
David: The hardest part for me was not to be able to help organising as much as I wanted to. English not being my mother tongue, it made more sense for Damian to be in contact with people from his hometown in order not to create any misunderstanding.
Damian: It wasn’t easy, I spent 18 months non-stop working on different aspects of the wedding. We had so many moving parts, things we had never even anticipated needing to think of (eg: insurance for the reception venue, or our own water + electricity supply for the venue, which was essentially an empty shell of a warehouse without utilities!) My family were miracle workers on that front, they took the week off prior to the wedding to help iron out all those kinks for which we’re eternally grateful! (and countless hours in the lead up calming me down over the phone also). Also I think there’s definitely a gap in the market for a online portal type application where couples can communicate and share documents/photos etc with their suppliers. Google Docs & Google Sheets helped a lot, but things start to get out of hand when you’re spreading out communication over email, Facebook Messenger, WhatsApp etc!
Where did you spend your honeymoon?
Damian: A lot of the traditional island type honeymoon destinations we considered like the Maldives, Mauritius etc aren’t very gay friendly, so we didn’t want that added stress of having to pretend we’re a couple of ‘friends’ on holiday and then push our 2 single beds together every night.. that wasn’t our idea of a honeymoon! We opted to stick to the homeland and travel down the coast of Australia for 3 weeks. We stayed in the Daintree rainforest, Palm Bay in the Whitsundays, Byron Bay Hinterland and then finally in Daylesford, Victoria. To go from Pinas in Palm Bay, to Hot Chocolates in the foot of the Dandenongs - it was so special to be able to show David the diversity in landscapes and weather Australia has to offer. We loved every single place we visited, especially Daylesford which we didn’t realise was such a haven for the LGBT community!
Any advice for other couples planning their day and finding it difficult to navigate the journey?
Damian: Honestly, if you’re planning a big wedding, it’s every bit as stressful as they say it is. We were very budget conscious in the beginning, but one thing I regret was not investing in a planner who followed us on our journey from A to Z. Our planner was great, but we only hired her to come on board 4 weeks out from the wedding, and me being the control freak I am I thought I could handle the rest in the lead up. It’s arduous, and consumes your entire life! Spend the money and get a planner.. Also other people can take it upon themselves to get very opinionated about weddings so make sure to surround yourself with people who are genuinely helpful and lift you up, instead of the nay-sayers. Lean on those people as sound boards, and ignore the rest, and then ultimately make sure you are maintaining focus on exactly how you & your partner want your day to go, not through a lens of how other people will perceive it! With that focus in mind, it takes away the stress of decision making.
Suppliers
Photographer Katie Purling Photography
Videographer Threadless Films
Venue The Tanks Art Centre
Suits Rives Paris
Rings Justin Duance
Planner Dynamic Weddings
Flowers Stella Florists
Event Styling Stella by Design
Signage The Wedding Collection by MDP
Cars Cairns Hummer
Cake Bella Dolce Cupcakes
Stationery Minted
Confetti Everland Favours
Celebrant Aphrodite Celebrant
Furniture Northampton Events
Lighting Big Screen Events
Drag Couture Joel Bevan Conroy
Hair & Makeup Hair Gallery, Sarah Holmes Makeup, Hairdressers @ Work, Eagle Tamer
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